“I guess you’re here for keeps”

Ever wonder what goes through a child’s mind when a new sibling is about to arrive? Chances are, it will be a mixed bag of emotions– fear, sadness, anger, anxiety, wonder, excitement, confusion.

For many children, coping with a new brother or sister can be a challenge. Sometimes frustration is seen in aggressive acts like biting, hair pulling, throwing things, and hitting. Even reverting back to wetting underpants can be a sign of stress.

I remember when my older son’s second child was born. My two year old granddaughter went with the family to visit her mom and new brother in the hospital. When we got back to her home, we decided to make a huge “Welcome Home” sign for the lawn. While my little granddaughter was busy colouring the sign, we explained to her that it was our way of saying to the new baby “We’re ALL glad you finally arrived.” And we ALL silently hoped that my granddaughter would feel that same way for a lo-o-o-ng time.

I’ve seen different situations when little ones have to adjust to new siblings: newly married parents with children from a previous marriage; adoption of a second child; or the birth of a second child. Preparation for the new arrival ensures that everyone is comfortable and informed about the changes that lie ahead. After my second son was born, and after MUCH trial and error, I created some strategies. I’m no expert, but here they are:

• Involve your child in the preparations for the new sibling. Get them to help choose toys and accessories for the new baby’s room.
• Talk about the upcoming event in advance. Kids like to be prepared. Consistent communications will help reality set in ahead of the arrival.
• Allow your child to get used to changes gradually. Don’t push them to welcome the new sibling right away. Introduce. Observe. Interact. Acknowledge feelings (good or bad). Set subtle boundaries. Then let things be. Sometimes a natural course will unfold.
• Let your child be the special helper. Helping to fold laundry, choosing clothes, or getting a diaper for the new sibling can be empowering for your child.
• Spend time with your first child. Answer questions about the new person coming to live in the house. Do special things that only you both enjoy together.

Finally, it helps to have age-appropriate books like Brand New Mandy, to share with your child, on the subject of having a new little sibling. My older son would have loved it then, but I know it will be passed down for many generations to come.